


railway.

by baeconandeggs, rosyemperor



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Fluff, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Slice of Life, Tragedy, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 17:47:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14574279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosyemperor/pseuds/rosyemperor
Summary: For Chanyeol, Baekhyun will always glow.





	railway.

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 136
> 
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> **Author's Note:** Prompter, I hope you like what I did with what you gave me. I love Taylor Swift and this song has always been one of my absolute favourites. Also, thank you c and m for reading this many times over.

_“In dreams, I meet you in warm conversations_

_We both wake in lonely beds, different cities.”_

_(sad beautiful tragic, taylor swift)_

The last time he saw Baekhyun, the boy was standing on the middle of the streets. He was looking at nothing, doing nothing, just there, with his back to Chanyeol. A coat as long as him covering his frame, and his honey coloured hair dancing with the wind that caressed it. They were not near, but Chanyeol could swear he smelt the lavender scent Baekhyun just seemed to naturally have. It was a brief moment before he disappeared, but it still stung after all that time.

In his dreams, he saw Baekhyun much more often, in many ways. He observed Baekhyun as the light coloured his cheeks while he was deep in his sleep, and he smiled. Chanyeol passed his hand through his black hair in a way so soft one would think Baekhyun was a rose petal, and the other turned around, hiding his face deep into the pillow. Then they were on the kitchen counter, Baekhyun’s hair was pink -but not like cotton candy, he would say- and his mischievous smile was not one to be hid as he threw cereals at Chanyeol for being “a sleepy head” when in reality, Chanyeol had spent his good ten minutes trying to wake up the other, but they liked to play along like that.

Baekhyun was not always in his dreams, though, more often than not, he was featured in his nightmares. They were never in colour, no crazy hairs, no rose cheeks, just plain old black and white. In his memories, he could swear it wasn’t raining when Baekhyun stepped on the train and left him behind, and he clearly remembers the vivid colours of his clothes, and his own eyes being red. He remembers almost draining blood from clenching the locket with the picture of Baekhyun too hard. Not when the night came, in the realm of nightmares it was all black and white, and he couldn’t even hear himself crying.

Today, he was standing on the same street, the freshly baked breads of their favourite patisserie flooding his nose and he could swear he heard Baekhyun’s laugh somewhere. He swung the door open, and greeted his friend Junmyeon with the biggest smile on his face, all white teeth showing.

“Hey”, the auburn haired said, quickly embracing the older. “Did I make you wait for long?”

The other laughed, sitting on the table next to them. A flower vase on the centre of it, there were roses and lavenders, and daisies and sunflowers. They stood out against the white and baby blue of the place, lighting it up.

“The usual, had enough time to order the same as every day.” He paused. “And to eat it. Twice. But since I’m a good friend _and_ colleague, I didn’t.” 

Chanyeol smiled, looking down at his hands, that laid on the table, then at Junmyeon, who was currently going through the breakfast options, even though he ordered the same day after day.

> _Baekhyun was standing on the counter, shooting mischievous looks at Chanyeol, who couldn’t stop laughing. There was not a time when the older’s silly jokes didn’t make him crack up like a fool, this time it was something mildly sexual about the way Chanyeol ate the éclairs, with the following negation of the sentence and the expected “I’m going to fucking record you as you eat it” that came out of Baekhyun’s mouth._
> 
> _The man behind the counter couldn’t help but smile as well as he gave Baekhyun the éclair and observed the couple sitting on the table besides the door, the vase of flowers making the scene all that more joyful, and the sound of laughter filling the ambiance._

When they were done with the toasts, the pair left the patisserie, paying for their breakfasts and waving the man inside goodbye. Junmyeon’s car was parked on the door, and they both hopped in, ready to begin their day.

They had been best friends since their first day of college. Chanyeol could still vividly remember the impression the huge classroom left on him: tall ceilings with ribbing that would’ve looked more fitting on a palace than a room which purpose was to take classes in, beige walls, completely unpolluted, and black, very modern tables Chanyeol thought didn’t blend in with the overall aesthetic of the place but that also somehow worked. He remembers being totally amazed by the modernity within the antique touch of the place, and feeling overwhelmed. Then, this guy came in, looking as stupid as he probably did while he was standing in the middle of the room looking around almost entranced, and complimented how black the tables were. Chanyeol remembers deciding right then and there that boy was going to be his best friend.

It was already their last year, and they remained as close, possibly because of the long study nights, endless noodles cups and Star Wars marathons once exams were over. They clicked immensely and Chanyeol relied on him whenever times were tough.

Junmyeon was charming, eloquent and quite handsome. Simultaneously, he was also the most awkward person Chanyeol had ever had the pleasure to meet. For every ten sentences that left you in awe because of how well constructed and imaginative they were, there were at least another ten that made you feel the urge to facepalm. Part of what made Chanyeol appreciate his friendship, probably (he was just as lame sometimes, or most of the time).

Right now, Chanyeol felt warm, crammed in a car he barely fitted in, while his friend drove them to class. He was aware of how uncomfortable it was for his long limbs inside Junmyeon’s tiny car, always having to adjust the passenger’s seat level so his legs could be relaxed, but it’s not like he wasn’t used to tiny cars by then.

“One would think that after complaining so much about my car, you would’ve gotten your license yet o decided to… I don’t know, maybe go to class in your motorbike. But no, you still prefer to get crumbled inside my car.”  

The lanky boy looked down, with a little smirk on his lips. His hands reached for the lever, pulling it hard until he was basically spreading his legs to the point of discomfort, which Junmyeon surely noticed.

“Well, that’s friendship! I love you so much I want to spend more time with you”

Junmyeon hit him with his free hand, and Chanyeol laughed aloud, throwing back his head.

“I would call it stupidity and laziness, but whatever floats your boat!”

Chanyeol just looked at his friend, eyebrow raised, the shadow of a smile on his lips. Then, he shrugged and nodded, silently agreeing with Junmyeon. He could’ve gotten himself a car, for he definitely was old enough, but in-between everything he never found a moment that seemed _fitting._

> _-When will you learn to drive so I won’t have to take you **everywhere**?_
> 
> _Baekhyun screamed inside his room, putting a worn-out shirt through his neck, roughly. He was almost growling, visibly shaken from having been woken up against his will. But Chanyeol needed him to get to his exam – “I’ve lost my bus and now I’m going to get expelled!”, he had overreacted, just to get his boyfriend out of bed. Baekhyun was sure there were better methods to do just that._
> 
> _Chanyeol was currently sitting anxiously on the living room, patting the sofa so quickly the rhythm was maddening. The grip on his own lip was on the verge of being strong enough to draw blood, and his face was visibly pale, fairer than usual. Waiting was very obviously making him uneasy wondering if he would be able to make it in time._
> 
> _Baekhyun came out of the room when the lofty guy nearly happened to die due to nervousness. White (practically beige from the over usage) t-shirt, distressed jeans that fitted his legs tightly and flatteringly -that made Chanyeol’s mouth water and almost forget about his exam- combined with ankle high red boots. Simple._
> 
> _-So, this -the younger said, signalling to the shorter boy’s clothes- took that long?_
> 
> _Baekhyun straight up hit his boyfriend’s right arm and went to open the door._
> 
> _-I don’t get paid enough._
> 
> _Chanyeol chuckled._
> 
> _-You don’t get paid at all._

The building was the same as it had always been, having nothing changed in the four years he had been going there non-stop. Surely, the cafeteria had become slightly -just somewhat- better, but that was about it. He still managed to be surprised by how old-looking the whole thing was, the air of a Dark Ages movie it transpired still, even though it was fairly well equipped.

He sighed as he got out of the door, waving Junmyeon goodbye.

-Have fun with professor Seo, I hear that contrastive grammar is invigorating to the soul!

His friend shot him a death glare before turning around, walking on the opposite direction he was. This year being the last and all that, they barely saw each other on class since both he and Junmyeon had chosen wholly diverging paths. Chanyeol was enamoured of literature, whereas Junmyeon’s heart called for the language and its methods -he wanted to study biology after it was all over, just to deepen his knowledge.

The chestnut-haired had no idea what to do with his future, truly. There were countless -or maybe not that much, but still lots- routes he could direct his career to, however, none of them truly entranced him to the this-is-what-I-want-my-whole-life-to-be-about level. So, he focused on the for now, and rolled along. He still had some -maybe not much, but some- time to decide what he was going to do, and if nothing felt right, he would just settle on something he was good at. It tasted bitter though, to settle. It was also sour to have nothing to look forward to, no excitement in his life, not anymore… and Chanyeol was just going through the motions. Had been for some time.

Head down as he walked into class, he sat near to the window. It was raining, and he thanked himself for being lazy and never taking the motorcycle. Professor Lee -Sungyeol, he always insisted- was late, as usual, so he had some extra time to get the books out and ready himself for the lesson, pens of diverse colours splattered on the table, taking the whole space up. There were some individual desks, and he always managed to take one for himself. It’s not that he was a loner, on the contrary, he got easily immersed in conversations with whomever seated by his side, and no one wanted that, specially not in History of the Literary Language.

Sungyeol arrived, hair dishevelled and wet, probably from running under the rain, white shirt tucked inside blue jeans that were completely soaked. Chanyeol felt sorry for him, his responsibility was a lost cause. The professor was young, and one of the brightest, judging from the fact that he had more qualifications than those who doubled him in age – the tall boy could actually see himself teaching people his age, only for a while—, which didn’t mean, nevertheless, that he was trustworthy when it came to punctuality, or seriousness, or anything strict. He was a great teacher, and that was enough.

Literary Language caught an adequate amount of Chanyeol’s interest, sufficient to keep him from looking out the window daydreaming. The boy was taking notes non-stop instead, nodding from time to time, even answering to Lee’s questions.

When the period was over, he felt exhausted. He seriously hoped Junmyeon didn’t decide to be an asshole that day and waited the extra hour for him, and he was almost sure he wouldn’t leave… but not entirely, so he was looking frantically for him on the rooms he usually had classes in, to beg him not to go and maybe go have a coffee with his hot classmate or something.

His friend had taken up in his unspoken advice, he noticed when his eyes witnessed Junmyeon’s tongue practically _cleaning_ Chorong’s mouth. The lanky boy had to force himself not to laugh and splash detergent on his eyes.

Unable to risk being late to class, he rushed through the hallways. Sure as heck Junmyeon wasn’t going to leave anytime soon.

He wasn't sure _he_ could take the exhaustingly long day, though, it was a "full journey" as they had been referring to them since last year, and that meant no stops, no free hours in-between, none of those well needed beers they would've had. Instead, Chanyeol would often daydream in class or let at least one period go by looking at his phone screen instead of just cutting off class -because he would feel bad to do so-.

 

> _The screen lightened several times, going crazy with the speed the messages were coming through. He couldn't even read the previews, and could barely make up the name of the sender, it was his boyfriend Baekhyun, of course. Sometimes he would just be sitting in class, spacing out due to the explanation taking too long and, as if they would read each other's mind, his boyfriend would just text him the most random things. This time, they were just memes, no explanation, no anything, just memes. A laughing cat, Powerpuff Girls' villain Mojojojo, some guy throwing salt. Chanyeol found it incredibly funny, and gave him strength to pay attention for at least ten more minutes._

 

This period, he left his phone on the jacket and hung it on the rack in an attempt to be productive (even if he knew he would end up making doodles instead). Just like a plot twist, the class ended up being interesting and by the time the period ended, he had at least three papers full of notes and a very proud feeling.

 "So how was Chorong's mouth?" Chanyeol asked Junmyeon while stepping into the car, causing the other to jolt and hit his head on the roof. For someone so little it was quite an achievement to be able to hit the roof. The tall boy proceeded to laugh at his friend, patting him on the shoulder. "I saw you two getting all hot and bothered in the middle of the hallway, you go! And I'm not even going to be mad because you didn't tell me about it as soon as it happened!"

 "Shut up you obnoxious pervert. But well, it was amazing. Wonderful experience. 10/10 would recommend. Getting married as we speak, _etcetera..._ "

 Chanyeol raised an eyebrow at his friend, furrowing. The chocolate haired began to speak before he could even utter a word.

 "It's French, that's her _tongue_."

He had to hold the have hysterics because that wasn’t going to be pretty inside of a tiny car.

“So it’s true that we are what we eat?”

Junmyeon’s look was intense enough to kill a person, but Chanyeol burst out laughing instead. The rest of the way back home was spent in silence, except from a giggle here and there whenever their eyes met.

 

The busier the days the shorter they were, the auburn-haired noticed. Finals were approaching, and he had a lot to do every day, which left him with little to no time for himself. Instead, his head was always working on some project, exam, presentation… you name it. Only a few hours appeared to have passed since Monday, but it was already Friday afternoon.

He had promised his mother he wouldn’t bury himself in papers and that he would leave out some moments for enjoyment, given that he didn’t deal well with being imprisoned and overly focused. But it was actually better that way, somehow, the lesser evil.

Still, he had compromised himself with his friends for one last outing before The Two Weeks Of Hell, and it was that Friday. And Friday was today, he thought while he slid outside of his pants and threw them across the bathroom.

The icy water falling on his head was quite relaxing in the summer weather of that day, because everything felt too hot, too much. He let his crown fall, and the shower washed out his face, icing. After a whole minute like that, he decided it was time to get ready.

> _“You’re taking too long!”_
> 
> _Baekhyun shouted from the kitchen. He stood beside the counter, slightly laying on it. His hair was blond, and he was nervously passing a hand through it. Once. Twice. Thrice. Then, he shook his head, looked down to his ripped skinny jeans and let out a sigh._
> 
> _“Can you come out already? It’s been more than an hour!”_
> 
> _And he came out, wearing his Iron Man pyjamas._
> 
> _He was looking at himself in the mirror while he styled his hair. He had thought about letting it dry and go with the flow, but ultimately decided against it, choosing to brush it into a comma hairdo. It had always suited him so well._
> 
> _“What the fuck?”_
> 
> _Baekhyun said quietly, almost to himself. Then he repeated it, slightly raising his voice, and kept on repeating it over and over until it reached screaming levels. The veins on his neck were threatening to pop out, and his face was raging red._
> 
> _“I’m… not going.”_
> 
> _It was so Chanyeol, Baekhyun thought. It was so incredibly Chanyeol to let him down moments prior to the date. He was so fed up. He was angry. Furious. Two years together and he had cancelled more times than he could count._
> 
> _“Get out of my apartment right now.”_
> 
> _Maybe he was overreacting, he thought. I haven’t fucked up that badly, thought Chanyeol._
> 
> _“But it’s my apartment too…”_
> 
> _Baekhyun wanted to strangle him._
> 
> _“Why? Huh? Why do you think” the shorter guy paused to stare at Chanyeol with fire in his eyes “you can do this to me over and over? I’m tired, oh so tired of you cancelling our plans in the last minute! You don’t even look for a reason you just decide not to go! And you don’t care!”_
> 
> _Baekhyun’s whole body was shivering, and he could feel the tears coming to his eyes, so he left the apartment. Chanyeol remained there, standing in the middle of the living room and wanting to burn the Iron Man pyjamas for all their worth._

He had laid the clothes on the bed beforehand, knowing well enough that if he didn’t he wouldn’t be able to pick them up later. The white shirt contrasted sharply against the wine red of the sheets, and the black leather pants were shining under the fluorescent light of his room. It had been long since the last time he went clubbing, so he had picked his best clothes on purpose. He would look dashing and like he actually put an effort in them, as opposed to the hoodie-and-bermudas he usually clothed.

He had even put on a little make up, and was ready to own the streets. Yes, he was, he had to keep on repeating to himself.

Junmyeon was waiting on the lobby, beside him was Jongin, a younger boy that attended their university. They became friends because last year Chanyeol had had to retake certain subjects, forcing him to meet the younger ones. The two of them were put on a work group together, and their friendship took off since then.

Chanyeol’s clique was quite big and, for one reason or another, they had all come together and managed to remain friends through thick and thin. The thought evoked a nostalgic smile. The tall boy was really thankful to have them, he would forever be.

Said thankfulness was the reason why he was queuing in front of the biggest club in the whole damn city, with its neon lights hurting his eyes and painting the streets pink, and red, and blue.  As he shifted around, only one thought was on his mind: maybe not even all the years of friendship were worth how uncomfortable he was feeling about the whole paraphernalia.

He had never liked clubbing much, once upon a time he tolerated it, though not anymore. He felt dizzy at the mere thought of having so much -unwanted- human interaction, bodies against bodies as it was expected of the whole rummage. It was always chaotic, and he was not made for that yet there he was, forcing himself to put on a smile, for his friends.

The music was barely audible from the outside, given that the whole Sala was provided with sound-blockers, probably due to the endless noise complaints they must have received on a daily basis. Still, his ears were still able to catch some notes here and there, they went up and down on a melody that was slowly getting stuck inside his head, piercing it like a needle. The constant repetition of motif had his body accommodating as the queue advanced, quite sluggishly, but advanced nonetheless. His friends seemed to be already on the mood, he refused to believe it for the sole reason of the physical time they hadn’t had to possibly drink that much yet they had. Junmyeon was touchy, Jongin was talkative, Minseok was dozing off leaning on Jongdae’s arm -he was non-reactive to this, probably that was just the way alcohol affected him- and Sehun was poking on Chanyeol’s arm, causing him to deviate his eyes from the glass he had on his hands and seemed the most important object a second ago.

Sehun was a man of little words. No words at all sometimes. That moment their eyes met was one of those times, but they didn’t need to utter a syllable to communicate. The both of them had mastered the art of non-verbal communication throughout the years together, endless plays, and even longer than that classes they had shared. Sehun always knew Chanyeol’s head, and Chanyeol knew Sehun’s, so they didn’t say anything, his friend took his hand and forced him to chug down what was left on his plastic glass.

After what seemed to be way longer than an hour and a half, they finally reached the big black doors, flanked by two men almost as big and wide as the access they guarded. Chanyeol was pretty tall, but he was never going to be bulky and vast no matter how many muscle mass he put on, which made him look simultaneously taller and smaller. Compared to the two men leaning on the door, he was dwarf-sized, and it didn’t matter that he was easily a head taller, he still knew who would win on a fist fight, which was the reason why he didn’t complain at all about the over-priced ticket, or the lack of good alcohol, or about anything, really.

He wasn’t there to have a good time, sincerely. That would’ve only been a mere additive, and maybe a good reason to look forward to the day, maybe not naming it The Dreaded One. He wasn’t sure how his friends would react, so he would never tell them how much he didn’t want to go and how stressful it was to miss someone from their nights out. A smile shied its way out when he thought about how it used to be before he had someone to miss, realising he had never been one for clubs.

> _The soft R &B music filled his ears while his eyes assimilated the room before him. On the outside, the pub had seemed nearly abandoned, cracks showing clearly on the wall, patches of not sufficiently distinct colours filling it whole giving the impression of having decided to repair something on the surface but not trying hard enough which lead to not even matching the colours, repeatedly. The door was wooden and old, like it had not been properly taken care of in years, making one wonder how it still stand. Sehun insisted on going in, though, so Chanyeol followed._
> 
> _Behind the deserted outer look hid a whole new world. High ceilings from which hung chandeliers adorned with titillating crystals whose light reflected into every corner of the room, painting some lucky spots with rainbow coloured beams. A golden glow engulfing the whole instance, every white gilded wall upping the aura of the local. He could see everything from the door, that was just in front of the large staircase that would guide them down to what seemed like a paradise. Chanyeol looked at Sehun who shrugged and just walked down the stairs without a care in the world. He, on the other hand, felt like he should walk differently, prouder._
> 
> _He had failed to notice the assembly of caramel toned tables and sofas that scattered across the room, around a round scenario that rose right in the middle of the room, visible from every point. So that was where the music came from, he realised once he was accustomed to the whole scene, letting his body enjoy the richness of it all instead of questioning how that place came to be and how Sehun had known of it. The answer was simple, though, it was just a pub he had found when drunk, the exterior left like that so only those that dare try would find the exquisiteness that hid inside. Quite dumb, if they asked Chanyeol, because that was no way to keep a business running -by the end of the night he had spent twice as much as he would’ve anyplace else, so he retracted on his thoughts and named it best business way in town-._

Chanyeol shook his head and tried to focus on the right now, however, it was too easy to fall inside the glowing memories that seemed to stand out against every other thing that could possibly go on inside his head. They had always been entrancing really, captivating, and his train of thoughts was pulled in again, making him even lose tracks of his surroundings. His friends laughed around him, sitting on the only few chairs that hadn’t been taken out of the club’s area, probably there to aid the girls whose feet were hurting after all the dancing. Chanyeol pitied them, but couldn’t bring himself to move before seeing gold again.

> _The bar was made of black marble, and it contrasted starkly with the pristine shining walls and light furniture. It was only right on par with the stage and the musician’s instrument, as a way to highlight the strong points of the pub. It carried on with its purpose, because Chanyeol was easily glued to the bar and his eyes did the proper with the stage._
> 
> _He remained there, making small conversation with strangers while his best friend mingled around, making his way into a VIP seat near the stage. He would much rather linger on there a little longer, getting some drinks for free -and maybe giving drinks to someone else as well-. And so, he did, until he completely lost sight of Sehun, but he didn’t care, he was used to it. It was almost traditional, really, they would leave the house together, would have a great time and catch up throughout dinner and pre-drinks, and they would part ways unintentionally as soon as they arrived at a club or pub, because they differed entirely when it came to “partying”._
> 
> _Both Chanyeol and Sehun enjoyed their fair share of being the centre of attention, and the both of them actively seek for it, how and when they did it was a whole other story. Chanyeol liked to be funny, and he found delight in making other people cackle with his witty jokes. Sehun longed to be worshipped for his various stylish and sexy attributes, so the moment they got themselves into a situation where he could show off, he would. He would blend into the majority and wow them by dancing and talking just enough to create a mysterious persona everyone would want in their cliques. So Sehun had many acquaintances and not many friends, and Chanyeol had many friends, but had no connections and no desire for them, which showed in the club._
> 
> _That meant in no way that Chanyeol didn’t like being, well, liked. He searched to be lustful for everyone in there as much as the next person, just… not actively. So, he sat, laid back and let the time pass._
> 
> _Music had stopped for a while, meaning the band were having a break (probably inside the pub), a well-deserved rest for that wonderful voice he had been increasingly paying attention as the night progressed. A faint noise at first, but once his ears caught on the raspy sound, he became absorbed. Now, a CD played instead, so his mind went back to concentrate in his immediate situation just as the bartender poured him a glass of whisky, on the rocks._
> 
> _Chanyeol shot him a questioning look, and the bartender -Joohyuk, read the name plate- signalled to a pretty brunette guy on the corner. The boy raised his glass and winked and him, and Chanyeol fell in love at once._
> 
> _The chocolate tresses glistened under the fractals of light from the chandelier, stealing hints of bronze from it, as if they were made of the richest materials in the world. Chanyeol was afraid he was ogling at him, but the other boy was magnetic, his skin toasted enough to seem like it was glowing too, but also pale enough so that the locks that fell softly in his forehead and framed his features still stood out, giving his whole visage a fairy-like beam. His eyes too seemed to naturally emit light, a light so soft it was warm rather than blinding, that was reserved for the smile that he shot Chanyeol and had him at the verge of running to go beside him._
> 
> _“Hi” The brunette whispered into Chanyeol’s ear, now they were close. “I hope you like that whisky, because I spent all I had left for the night on you, and I’m not talking just about money, but something more precious”_
> 
> _His voice had a sweet mellow quality to it. Pleasant to hear, making Chanyeol eager to listen to more of what he had to say. Still, the raven-haired withdrew to look at the other with an expression of surprise and questioning._
> 
> _“My time for tonight, show me you deserve it.”_
> 
> _He had never been keener on proving himself worthy of anything. The lights were dancing on the other man’s eyes when Chanyeol smiled and asked for his name, a barely audible Baekhyun whispered into his ears, and he knew that name would get engraved into his heart._
> 
> _Then, he took Baekhyun’s hand, and they were dancing along to the music that became a mulled hum, irrelevant compared to the chuckle that emerged from the petite guy’s mouth._

The music was deafening just now, a rather unpleasant feeling. His whole head seemed to be engulfed by the loud sounds. There wasn’t a melody, there wasn’t soul, just notes, one after the other in a rhythm made for dancing and not listening. There were no lyrics either, he wanted to be anywhere else.

> _Sehun had been lost for long, but he was not going to look for him tonight, it was his turn to get lost._
> 
> _The pub wasn’t crowded, so the little space which Chanyeol deduced to be left for dancing purposes was looking quiet and empty, just a few couple of friends that danced serenely to the calm jazz rhythm that emerged from the speakers and effectively created an ethereal mood._
> 
> _The sultry music around them and the glistens the chandelier stole from the gold embroidered walls. Delicate hands that surrounded his neck. Chocolatey hair. Cinnamon essence. Chanyeol was already lost._
> 
> _He barely registered leaving the place hand in hand with a pretty boy leading the way and everything that followed._

Junmyeon was bugging at him, poking on his side until he managed to get Chanyeol’s attention and drag him -quite literally- to the middle of the room. He remembered how he used to dance, but with the hot sweaty bodies pressed against his and strong smells filling his nose, it was not as magical as the ones he still daydreams about.

He escaped his friends for a second, making his way into the bar, shooting a look back at where his group laughed and bopped at unison and his body longed to be like that again. Drink in hand he went back, and Sehun put his arm on Chanyeol’s shoulder which was signal enough for the night to begin. Drink in hand and the sound of laughter he knew too well, he let go of the golden beam of his memories.

The night made way into the day just like that, surrounded by his friends and finally, surprisingly, enjoying himself until he found himself on a taxi, a sleeping Junmyeon on one side, an unexpectedly chatty Sehun on the other. Jongin, being the kind human he was, placed on the passenger’s seat, taking the killing darts the taxi driver was shooting him like a champ.

Just like that, it was already 8 in the morning when he bid his friends goodbye from the inside of the taxi, given that his house was the last stop. He paid the driver with the money he had collected beforehand and made his way into his apartment. It was too dark, too cold, although not physically. Physically, the hotness was suffocating, with a dampening quality to it, so he undressed quickly and got into bed to enjoy the last rest he would have in some time.

Saturday found Chanyeol asleep until almost 4pm, weirdly enough he didn’t feel rested, just tired but happy nonetheless, glad that he went out. They were still missing something, but his friend’s love was as present as ever, and truthfully, it was healing.

The group chat was filled with pictures and messages, checking up on one another like they had always done. He smiled down at his phone and shook his head. His mother was right, going out before exam period was invigorating, he felt more capable than he had done a day before (and he felt greatly capable, thank you very much). The auburn-haired answered some messages, updating on his status, and letting everyone know how much fun he had had. All of them half-joking half-serious congratulated him on finally leaving the apartment, and he agreed one last time. Finally, he put down the mobile phone, warning everyone that last night would be the last time they knew of him until exams were over.

He had to do it for himself, Chanyeol thought, sitting on the study chair. His head was killing him, his brain was probably threatening to leave his skull, but he had to get on with it or he would never do it. When it came to studying, stubbornness was something that came as a pack with him. Park Chanyeol studies a lot, and he studies when he says he will and nothing can change his mind. Universal truth just like water is wet, which didn’t mean said truth wasn’t annoying as hell sometimes, but as much as he had missed out because of that mindset, he had won when results came back. Most of the time.

> _“Gosh, you don’t even look at me once! Exams don’t start until a month! A month! I know it’s important and all that but,”_
> 
> _Baekhyun paused, looking at his phone exasperatedly, hands in his hips. His eyes showed a mix of anger and worry, more the first than the latter, but it shifted between the two of them so much it was a good thing Chanyeol was not in front of him to keep track._
> 
> _“you will do well. You will! Unless you stress yourself like this! It’s going to hurt your head and your spirits! You are what? Eighteen? And you haven’t been out since late October because you have exams in January! You haven’t even seen me!”_
> 
> _Baekhyun sighed loudly one more time, and Chanyeol hid himself on the books a little bit more, as if his boyfriend could see him through the screen._
> 
> _“I will be out celebrating your birthday without you, in your favourite restaurant. It was meant to be a surprise, but…”_
> 
> _Chanyeol’s heart hurt._
> 
> _“Just ring me if you’re coming. Please do, because I’m tired of you not having time for me even if you do have time. I make sacrifices too, you know?”_
> 
> _He knew. And so, a crazy idea crossed his mind._
> 
> _“Wait! Don’t hang up just yet, I will be going.”_
> 
> _And he hung up, rushing to the closet. He picked out his prettiest clothes, but didn’t bother to style his hair to not put the moment off any longer. The stairs seemed to be eternal while he ran down, only one idea in his mind._
> 
> _Every taxi in the city seemed to be busy that night, so he ran. Thankfully, it was cold enough for him not to sweat much, or else it wouldn’t have been pretty. Unlike Baekhyun, who sat on the table near the window, looking ethereal. He had his hair blond now, unlike the brown from when they met last year, and it fell upon his eyes with such a softness it was like a caress. His eyes shifted nervously from side to side, and his hand fidgeted with his ring, as he always did. Chanyeol smiled and walked it._
> 
> _“I’m so sorry.”_
> 
> _He meant it._
> 
> _“I know. I forgive you”_
> 
> _Baekhyun smiled, and every crime ever committed in the world was probably pardoned at right that instant._
> 
> _“I want to ask you something.”_
> 
> _Chanyeol stretched out his hand to take Baekhyun’s. The other nodded quietly, waiting for whatever the dark haired had in mind._
> 
> _“Move in with me?”_
> 
> _And Baekhyun accepted._
> 
> _After half an hour of studying, his head couldn’t take it anymore, so he laid on the sofa, gulped down an ibuprofen and hope for the best. He had never been the one to deal well with Hangovers, not really, but he had to try and study before anxiety creeped in again._
> 
> _“Honestly, Chanyeol, it’s not even exam season and I’m tired of this.”_
> 
> _His boyfriend said from across the living room, where Chanyeol had established his study refuge. A tall pile of books stood on the table, alongside some pens, highlighters, a pencil and a gum. On the middle of all that mess, Chanyeol with his head buried on a book._
> 
> _He didn’t answer._
> 
> _“I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of rearranging my meetings just so we can be together at home! And we don’t even do that… Why are you pushing me away and hiding inside your studies?”_
> 
> _The petite guy stood closer to the table now._
> 
> _“I’m not. Baekhyun I’m very anxious, and I need to pass every exam because even if I can afford not passing them I mentally can’t, don’t you see it?”_
> 
> _Chanyeol finally lifted his head, meeting with Baekhyun’s eyes._
> 
> _“You’re worried.”_
> 
> _Chanyeol stated._
> 
> _“I am.”_
> 
> _Baekhyun confirmed._
> 
> _“I don’t want to be like last year. I didn’t pass every subject and I couldn’t take it, I couldn’t.”_
> 
> _The pink haired’s hand found its way to Chanyeol’s chest, moving slowly upwards until it caressed the other’s cheeks._
> 
> _“This is not healthy either.”_
> 
> _Chanyeol looked down._
> 
> _“Let’s get out.”_
> 
> _And they did._

Two weeks were a reasonable time to stress over exams. He had learnt in the end how to deal with stress, kind of. When he woke up from his dream state, his heart stung, but he would be okay. His phone remained on the table where he left it three hours ago, so he picked it up an called Junmyeon.

He did so every day for a week while preparing for the exams, just to steam off and relax his mind so the stress wouldn’t kill him. The week prior was too much, and he spent it inside his apartment, rummaging through the books over and over until he was sure he could do it. He could.

Both him and Junmyeon were well-prepared, he knew, but when the first exam arrived, he was terrified. They had gone to have breakfast at their usual place, whose calm blue colour was great for their brains, or so they have read somewhere. Given that it was a special day, they were getting croissants instead of a toast with jam and a coffee. Having breakfast, they spoke about everything and anything, wished each other good luck a hundred times and prayed to the goods The Two Weeks Of Hell ran over quickly.

The car travel to university was quiet, the air filled with the tension the both of them had.

“This is the beginning of the end, isn’t it?”

It truly was, Chanyeol recognised. Last year, last -if they were lucky- round of exams, and once it was over, they were into the world, adults with career, no longer students. The thought was more chilling than the exams ahead.

> _It was during movie night when it all went downhill. It was almost poetic, really, how they were watching a movie about two lovers drifting away from each other because of the distance. Felicity Jones was on the screen right when Baekhyun’s phone rang loudly, engulfing every other sound in the room._
> 
> _“Byun Baekhyun here, yes?”_
> 
> _Like Crazy continued playing on the background, Felicity Jones’ character, however she was called, was departing for London. His lover stayed behind, but they would overcome it, right?_
> 
> _Baekhyun stood up and left for the balcony, looking back at Chanyeol, who looked at him with curiosity in his eyes. The pink haired smiled at him, put a hand over the speaker and told him he would be back on a second, that it was an important call he had to attend. The dark-haired shrugged and focused back on the screen._
> 
> _After almost 20 minutes, Baekhyun walked back into the room._
> 
> _“Chanyeol, I think I’m leaving.”_
> 
> _He stated, as if it was the most common thing to say, like he was going to buy some bread to the store down the stairs. Chanyeol couldn’t believe his ears, and he stared at Baekhyun in incredulity blinking his eyes twice as much as he would on any other day._
> 
> _“Where?”_
> 
> _Baekhyun looked down, tucking his phone inside his jacket’s pockets._
> 
> _“The capital.”_
> 
> _The fucking capital. A city that was over 300km away. What was the capital useful for, anyway? Thought Chanyeol. He wasn’t in the capital, he was right there. In the capital there was nothing to look for, Baekhyun always said he had everything by Chanyeol’s side._
> 
> _“You’re… leaving me? Just like that?”_
> 
> _He tried to choke back the tears._
> 
> _“I’m not leaving you. I mean, physically I am, because I would be living away… for a while. But I’m not breaking up with you.”_
> 
> _Chanyeol’s mind didn’t seem to function properly. His body was in such a shock he could barely move or articulate a word._
> 
> _“I’m requested to leave tomorrow, Chanyeol.”_
> 
> _Hearing his name awoke him, and he looked up into Baekhyun’s eyes._
> 
> _“Requested who?”_
> 
> _Baekhyun laughed._
> 
> _“Do you ever listen to me?”_
> 
> _He said, patting Chanyeol’s hair before the dark-haired slapped his caresses away._
> 
> _“The job I was looking for? It’s here, I have a job. I have the best job, my dream job. A CD company booked me, maybe I will get my singing contract this year.”_
> 
> _Chanyeol nodded without much enthusiasm. He knew he should be happy now, maybe congratulate Baekhyun, but he was too immersed in his thoughts to do so. The just-employed boyfriend of his had just spluttered the news on him, no warning. He barged in and decided to havoc his life._
> 
> _“What time do you leave tomorrow?”_
> 
> _Baekhyun took his hands and jumping excitedly told him that he should be at the train station by 9 in the morning. Chanyeol let go of Baekhyun’s hands and walked into their room, pulling out the biggest suitcase on the closet._
> 
> _“Don’t bother coming back.”_
> 
> _And Baekhyun broke._
> 
> _The pink-haired’s hands rushed through the closet, pulling out his clothing and violently throwing them on the bed in heaps. The crib looking fuller by the second, and Chanyeol stood there watching as the room became tinier and emptier, like his life. He was regretting the words he aimlessly threw at Baekhyun but he couldn’t take them back now, it was too late, Chanyeol thought with regret as he observed his boyfriend (ex?)’s eyes water. In the end, he turned around and left the room._
> 
> _He woke up the next day at 8am, after a restless night sleeping on the guest’s room and an only thought in his mind: last night was not the end of his and Baekhyun’s story. Thus, Chanyeol got dressed as quickly as possible, throwing in whatever he could find, there weren’t many clothes in the closets anymore, anyway. The beds, on the other hand, were still filled with the many items Baekhyun had thrown on them last night. Chanyeol rushed through the apartment, taking one last thing on a rush: it was a locket with a picture of the two of them, and Baekhyun had to have it._
> 
> _It was 8:45am when he arrived at the station, hoping Baekhyun hadn’t boarded yet. He raced through the crowded hallways, not minding the hateful looks he was receiving from everyone he unintentionally kicked. The platform was right in front of him, and Baekhyun stood out against everyone. Somehow, he had had the time to dye his hair back to a soft brunette, almost like honey, Chanyeol had always loved that colour on him, for it made his factions all that softer. He pressed the locket on his hands and ran some more._
> 
> _“Baekhyun!”_
> 
> _His boyfriend froze in the spot, looking back at him trying to pinpoint from where exactly came the voice. Chanyeol’s hand pressed on the locket so hard it was almost enough to draw blood, and he could swear the train was moving._
> 
> _Baekhyun advanced to him, a mixture of surprise, madness and relief on his face._
> 
> _“What are you doing here?”_
> 
> _Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s free hand on his, and put their locket on it. Then, their eyes met, and the tall guy couldn’t help the water that was beginning to form in them._
> 
> _“I couldn’t let you go like that now, could I? Baekhyun I’m so so sorry. I acted like an immature little boy, getting mad at you for your happiness!  I didn’t know how to deal with going back to being alone after almost two years of having you by my side non-stop. But I’m happy for you, I am. And I can’t excuse my behaviour, but I ask you to forgive it anyway, because I’m an egoist and I don’t want to let you go just yet. Not ever.”_
> 
> _Baekhyun nodded, taking the locket in and breaking apart Chanyeol’s lock in his hand to somehow cup the other’s face, coming a little bit closer._
> 
> _“I’m not leaving you, Chanyeol. We will make it through this, we always do.”_
> 
> _It was the dark haired who closed the distance between them. They had kissed infinite times, and each time had a different flavour. The first time had been the night they met, Baekhyun had tasted like dry whisky, salty and hot, burning him from the inside out. A raging feeling of want, of lust. That night they had whiskey kisses, many of them, and on so many other nights. Other times, they had marshmallow hinted kisses. Those left them with such a long-lasting feeling of sweetness for how ephemeral they were. Marshmallow kisses were merely pecks, and they appeared the most often after a while. They had never had a kiss like the one right now, it was raw and desperate, and it had a voice of his own. This kiss was screaming words of love and longing and melancholy. It was nostalgic, it was frantic._
> 
> _“I love you, I’ll miss you.”_
> 
> _Baekhyun said._
> 
> _“I love you more, we’ll see each other before we have time to miss us.”_
> 
> _The other boy smiled. Chanyeol waved with his hand until he could no longer see the train. Then, he passed said hand through his lips and realised what their kiss had felt like._
> 
> _It had tasted like goodbye._

The last week of exams was passing simultaneously fast and slow. He had no time to do anything, but it was excruciatingly long and when one exam was over the next one couldn’t arrive soon enough. By Wednesday, he was both mentally and physically exhausted but there was still one last exam, and then he would be free.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to. The feeling of uncertainty that came with the end of University was hanging there and Chanyeol was afraid, afraid of going on, afraid of a future he no longer knew what to do with. But he would deal with it, the auburn-haired repeated day after day.

On Friday, he wouldn’t meet Junmyeon after once their exams were over. By the time Chanyeol was supposed to start his, his best friend’s would be still inside and so they decided to just wait instead of having a rushed breakfast together, Chanyeol would be out by 11:30 tops.

Professor Lee walked into the classroom. He wasn’t wearing his usual goofy smile, but a compassionate one instead. Their last exam of the year -of the major- carefully held in his long hands. His steps were strong and long, quickly placing him in the middle of the classroom. He put the exams on the table behind him and turned around.

“Good morning, I know it’s too early in the morning to take an exam. I know because I didn’t want to come either, but here we are. It’s the last exam ever for a majority of you, isn’t it? Well, I know you because I’ve seen you for these past four years. In a way, I’m graduating with you, you know? It has been 4 years since I took my last exam, and now I’m letting you guys take the last exam, the last exam of those I first taught. I don’t mean to be sappy, but I am indeed getting a little emotional. What I want to say is, good luck! Now I’ll be giving out the exams, I trust all of you to _not_ waste my time.”

Then, he started to lay a paper in each person’s table. Nervousness everywhere and the sound of some quick starters already scratching the test with their pens. Finally, Chanyeol got his too, and started to read through the quiz, paying attention to every question and deciding which one to do first.

Eventually, he opted to do it in the order it was given and so began the _grand finale_ to his student life. His words flew endlessly, and he was confident in what he knew, because he knew it all. He had prepared for this exam the most, it being the last and all, so there was not a single issue in there he couldn’t answer satisfactorily. It was less than a whole hour and he was done, so he raised his hands and Sungyeol picked his exam up with a smile while he told him he was looking forward to going over his exam and that he had great expectations for him. So much for only doodling in classes, Chanyeol thought.

He walked out of the classroom and found Junmyeon waiting for him, a big toothy smile appearing on his face when their eyes met.

“We’re done.”

Chanyeol looked down for a second before directing his eyes to the blue summer sky whose Sun shone above them, lightning the whole world with a bright yellow glow. His arm embracing his best friend’s shoulders.

“It truly is over, isn’t it?”

Junmyeon nodded, shooting the old building the last look of nostalgia. Chanyeol didn’t even look back.

That night they went out, nothing special, just their group of friends jumping from bar to bar, all obnoxious laughter, screaming, youth. Chanyeol felt happy and kind of relaxed, he would worry about the future when the future came.

 

 

 

**_five months after_ **

Chanyeol had left the TV on in the apartment, but he had been out for hours. His job as literature reviewer wasn’t being fulfilling enough for his soul, not even with the great quantity of books he had had to read during the past few months (and there were lots) but it sure was filling his time. Whether he was reading at home, going to the office to redact something under the attentive look of Yunho (his boss) or picking up Boa’s various requests (he was doubling as errand boy too, apparently), he had had no time to breathe in two months.

That day he wasn’t busy because of work, though. The now black haired Chanyeol had spent the whole day at Junmyeon’s, not being able to deal with anything. His friend had dealt with him through every hour. They sat and talked, they slept, they watched Star Wars, they ate junk food and even found time to work out. Junmyeon was keeping him busy and Chanyeol was eternally thankful for that.

Back in his apartment, a lone tv spoke to no one about the one year anniversary of a huge train crash.

 

“I think it was raining back then.”

Chanyeol told Junmyeon, lifting his eyes from the wine glass on his hands and to Junmyeon. His expression showed a hint of pain, like a sting somewhere in his body. His heart, the brunet guessed while he looked into his friend’s eyes, reflecting some sadness in his own.

“It always rains when I dream about it, you know? Our last moment together was beautiful, but I always dream of it in black and white, and a pouring rain. I’m afraid to distort my last memory of his face like that.”

Junmyeon scooted closer to him, signalling to his shoulder so Chanyeol could lay on it.

“It wasn’t raining,” He stated after a while, pausing before continuing. “The Sun was high on the sky instead, but it wasn’t especially hot, it was just nice. A pleasant September weather.” Chanyeol nodded then to himself, reassuring his words. “Baekhyun was beautiful, and his smile when we made up… I swear it outshone the Sun.”

Junmyeon was listening attentively, humming here and there.

“I loved him so much. I love him so much still.”

He choked a sob.

“I don’t think it will come a day when you won’t.”

Junmyeon was right.

“It’s been a year Junmyeon.”

It had been a year. And he still remembered everything about that cursed day a year ago. He remembered turning on the radio on his way back home only to hear that a train had crashed, and many had died on the crash. The train was headed for the capital, he remembers thinking it even before the radio announced it. And he remembers turning back the car before realising it was for nothing, but still going back. Everything was a mess before his eyes, he still remembers the people crying and the smoke screen that was high enough for him to see it. And he knew Baekhyun was gone, he still feels the hotness of his tears when he realised.

In that moment, he decided to let go. And he cried in his best friend’s arms, he cried because he missed him so much. He cried because he still didn’t know how to go on without Baekhyun. He cried for the beautiful memories, and the not so pretty ones. And he cried for the life together they wouldn’t have.

Now his memories were painted in shades of pink, of chocolate, of honey and they would never be black and white again. And he would hold onto them like treasures, all the smiles, all the shared looks, the kisses, the love. He would always have that at least.

Chanyeol missed Baekhyun, always will. That’s all what’s certain. But he was finally starting to learn how to live without him.


End file.
